Life For Lease

by Sankage Steno

Gumawa ako ng kontrata para sa gustong manghiram ng buhay ko. Hiram lang ha, dapat isoli pagkatapos ng napag-usapan. Pag hindi sinoli, dedemanda ko sa Soul Society Supreme Court. Patay ka kay Ichigo.

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1. Parties. This Contract is between you (Lessee) and me (Lessor), of legal age, single/married. Lessee agrees to rent my life for use as a private or public person.

2. My Life. I’m a full-time journalist, a blogger, an eater, a sleeper, a breather, a walker, and someone who is enjoying life to the fullest but is willing to rent his/my Life for a certain period of time only.

3. Occupant. Maximum occupancy for my life shall be one person at a time. No one else may share my Life.

4. Condition of the Body and Soul. The LESSEE hereby acknowledges to have received my Life, body and soul, in a clean, safe, healthy, whole, and good-working condition. LESSEE must use customary diligence in maintaining my Life and not damaging my body and soul, and reputation.

5. Lease Term. One (1) week commencing on __________________ and expiring on __________________. Pre-termination of the lease is prohibited and will result in Accelerated Rent and the forfeiture of the Security Deposit.

6. Advance Rental. Upon execution of this Contract, LESSEE agrees to pay in advance two (2) hours’ rent which will be applied to the last (2) hours of the Lease Term.

7. Security Deposit. Upon the execution of this Contract, LESSEE agrees to pay a security deposit in an amount equivalent to two (2) hours’ rent, as security for the faithful compliance by the LESSEE of all terms and conditions of this Contract and for the return of my Life in good and proper condition, and to answer for any and all repairs or damages to my Life and other liabilities of the LESSEE under this Contract.

8. Loss. The LESSOR is not liable to any occupant for injury, damage, or loss to person or property, from any cause including gambling, game shows, flood, fire, accident, crime, pipe leaks, negligent or intentional acts, etc.

9. House Rules. LESSEE shall faithfully comply with and abide by the House Rules promulgated, updated, of revised by the LESSOR from time to time.

10. Accelerated Rent. All hourly rent for the remainder of the Lease Term will be accelerated automatically without notice or demand and will be immediately due and delinquent if LESSEE moves out before the Lease Term ends and if LESSEE has not paid all the rent for the entire Lease Term.

11. Abandonment. Abandonment of my Life constitutes a violation of the terms and conditions of this Contract. The LESSEE is deemed to have abandoned my Life when all of the following have occurred: (1) occupant appears to have moved out from my Life in LESSOR’s reasonable judgment; (2) oversoul, overbody, clothes, accessories, and personal belongings have been substantially removed in LESSOR’s reasonable judgment; (3) LESSEE has been in default in payment for ten (10) consecutive hours; (4) and LESSEE has not responded for two (2) days to LESSOR’s notice on the subconscious state of mind.

12. Alterations. The LESSEE agrees not to introduce any improvements or make any alterations in or to my Life, unless given a written or subconscious consent by the LESSOR. The LESSEE agrees not to alter, damage, or remove LESSOR’s Life.

13. Maintenance, Repair and Replacement. LESSEE shall well and sufficiently preserve, cure, and maintain in good, clean, healthy tenantable condition, at his/her own cost, my Life, both body and soul.

14. Penalty. LESSEE agrees to pay to LESSOR a penalty on any amount due under this Contract which remains unpaid on due date thereof at the rate of two percent (2%) per hour, compounded hourly, to be computed from the date of delinquency until such amount is paid in full. A fraction of an hour shall be considered as one (1) hour for purposes of computing said penalty.

15. Remedies for Breach. If the LESSEE violates any of the terms or conditions of this Contract, the LESSOR may pursue any or all of the following:

(a) To terminate this Contract of Lease without prior notice, demand, or juridical declaration;

(b) To immediately repossess my Life without the necessity or instituting any juridical or court action;

(c) To suspend or disconnect the supply of genius, talent, skill, or behavior;

(d) To demand and receive from the LESSEE payment for any and all unpaid rentals, fees, charges, damages, and other financial obligations stipulated in, or arising out of this Contract.

(e) To automatically forfeit the Security Deposit in its favor.

16. Return of My Life. Upon the expiration of the Lease Period, or upon the termination of this Contract, the LESSEE shall immediately and peacefully return to the LESSOR the possession of my Life in as good, clean, healthy and tenantable condition as when the LESSEE received it from the LESSOR, reasonable and ordinary wear and tear excepted.

17. Sub-Lease. Sub-letting of my Life or any portion of body and soul therein is prohibited.

18. Assignment. This Contract or any leasehold rights or interest therein cannot be assigned by the LESSEE.

19. Litigation. In the event the LESSOR is compelled to seek judicial relief against the LESSEE in order to enforce any or all of its rights under this Contract, the LESSEE, in addition to any other damages that may be awarded by the Court, hereby agrees to pay an amount equivalent to twenty-five (25%) percent of the amount claimed but in no case less than P5,000,000.00, as and by way of attorney’s fees, aside from the costs of litigation, and other expenses which the law entitles the offended party to recover from the offending party. The parties hereby agree to submit any action arising from or incident to this Contract to the jurisdiction of the proper courts of ____________ City only, to the exclusion of all other venues.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, the parties have hereunto set their
hands this ___________________ at ________________________.

[Name of Lessor]
Lessor

By: ______________________ [Name of Lesee]
Authorized Representative Lessee

SIGNED IN THE PRESENCE OF:
_________________________ _________________________

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

BEFORE ME, a Notary Public for and in

_____________________, this ________________________,
personally came and appeared:

Name CTC No. Date/Place of
Issue
____________________ _________ _________________
____________________ _________ _________________
____________________ _________ _________________
____________________ _________ _________________

known to me and to me known to be the same persons who
executed the foregoing Lease Contract and they acknowledged to
me that the same is their free and voluntary act and deed.

WITNESS MY HAND AND NOTARIAL SEAL, on the date
and at the place first above written.

Doc. No. _________;
Book No. _________;
Page No. _________;
Series of _________