Krissy, is it a deal or no deal?

by Sankage Steno

It’s so nakaka-irritates na talaga, Krissy. I’m supposed to make pahinga na tonight, but all I see and hear in all forms of media is puro you na lang. And the media naman, they make kagat and treat you like a national issue. Who makes pake about your personal life ba?

Not me.

Who makes pake if James Yap makes subok to seduce you? Even though it’s so hirap to believe, like what Atty. Kapunan made sabi in a statement, you should be thankful. I mean, it’s not everyday naman that you get to be seduced, di ba? And to think na it’s James Yap pa who, you made sabi, was seducing you. You’re maswerte pa, girl!

Why don’t you give in na lang to his hilig? It’s not like rape naman, you know, if you’ll just make bigay your consent. Don’t be pakipot kasi, it’s not so bagay. And you’re definitely not 16 anymore, so don’t make arte like it’s your first time.

And bakit it took you so tagal to file your reklamo? Why only now? Is it because Heart and Chiz are like making the headlines, and you kinda make dama that you’re being left behind? Insecure much, ha. You have so many issues sa katawan. That’s not maganda anymore, like totally!

Krissy, don’t be so papansin. The universe does not make ikot around you. You may be a star, but you’re not the araw where the planeta makes ikot. And if ever you’re like the center of the sanlibutan, you still don’t have the right to make papansin. Even the sun sets nga every night and the clouds make takip it pa.

Oh, and there’s like a BREAKING balita now. You said you will quit showbiz? OMG! This is so laking balita. As in! It’s so important we should make kalimot na the Sabah issue, the Maguindanao massacre and the elections. Krissy, you already! If there’s one tao who can make it on page 1 of the newspaper with a simple kembot, that’s you. One pinky toast to you!

But you know what? If you’re like seryoso with your resignation, it’s gonna be the most saya moment for me. Alam mo why? ‘Cause the media will finally stop covering you. I will no longer make kita you on TV, will not make dinig your 10,000 decibel voice and, most of all, will no longer have kalaban with my conyo accent. Ha ha ha! Ooops, there tuloy. I make gaya to you na.


My advise to you, Krissy. Just do it. Don’t make dalawang isip pa with your decision. Make it final na that you’re gonna make alis na sa showbiz. You’ll do more good to this country that your kuya is trying to fix if you’re like quitting na talaga. Promise! I sure am gonna miss you if you make bye-bye na for good, but I think I can live with that naman. Oh, this is so ka-excite much.

So, Krissy, for our kapayapaan of mind, the offer to resign still stands. Is it a deal or no deal?