Cebu Pac is so palpak!

by Sankage Steno

I was training kasi to be a flight attendant because I want to make libot the whole Pilipinas. I was nalagay to the Manila-Davao flight kagabi, and so I went. The lipad of flight 5J 971 was okay naman talaga at first. Actually, it was so saya nga in the night sky, especially during the take-off when I made kita the many ilaw of Manila’s streets.

Dan Brown was so mali! Manila isn’t the gate of impyerno; it’s the veranda of hell kaya!

Anyways, our lider-lideran flight attendant made sabi na the safety precautions, so I was mega sayaw naman to the beat of Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance while showing how to make suot the sinturong pangkaligtasan. It’s like so dyahe kaya when this cute guy kept on making sulyap to me, and I was like making nakaw-tingin, too. Kilig much.

Then, I made away pa the other FA when I was making tulak the cart for the pagkain and stuffs. He/she was making pilit kasi to serve the cute guy. But I insist! Buti na lang I won, so I was able to make landi pa with the cute guy.

That is so!

Finally, we reached na the final descent. That’s when it became so katakot the events. One engine of the plane started to make usok na. Scared! I said to the lider-lideran FA, “Ma’am, there’s like an usok outside. Are the pasahero allowed to make ihaw-ihaw there?” But she made sabi to us not to make pansin the usok. And so I stopped my hininga. You know naman me, I’m a good follower.

When the usok became impossible na to make tiis, the lider-lideran FA made sabi to buckle up. And so I made taas may Red Horse beer. I said pa nga, “Kampay!” And everybody made tingin to me, including the cute guy. Gosh, it’s like the most saya part of the trip. But I was mali pala. There’s marami pa to come.

The captain made salita na, and he said na we’re gonna make gawa an emergency landing. I was so kilig because the boses of the captain is so like pangkama. Buti na lang I gave him my number na. Anyway, so we made lapag na, but it was so palpak naman, kasi the plane made lagpas to the runway.

Siguro the lider-lideran FA was making landi the captain so he got distracted. That bitch! That’s why pala she was like nawala suddenly in the scene. And when she made balik na to the cabin, she looked so pagod. Everybody was like takot na, and here she was making milagro in the cockpit!

When the pasahero started to make reklamo, I was like so tigas all of a sudden, like a piece of yelo. I didn’t know how to make sagot during emergency situation. The lider-lideran naman said not to make bukas the pinto, and I was like, seriously? What if the makina made sabog bigla? You want to lechon us all here for the fiesta?

Happy Kadayawan!

So after 27 minutes, when we were all hinog na because of the usok, that’s when the captain made sabi to open the pintuans. By the way nga pala, his zipper was bukas pa when he stepped into the cabin. That casanova!

It was so gulo na nga, it’s like so nakakainis pa the captain and the lider-lideran FA. The people are so galit na to us, as if naman I’m the dahilan of the plane’s pagkasira. Hello? You made bayad piso fare and you expect you’re gonna make dating to your destination nang ligtas? The nerve, ha?

Be thankful nga that you were able to make lipad pa. Next time you won’t be so swerte.

It’s so nakaka-stress talaga last night. I was the huli pa to disembark the eroplano. And worse, when I was like dalawang meter na lang from the ground, I made talisod pa. It’s like so nakakahiya. Buti na lang I was made sapo by the cute guy, so all’s well that ends well pa rin  naman. He’s my hero!