Month of Wika

by Sankage Steno

I heard that they’re not gonna make turo the Filipino subject in college anymore. Yipee!

I’m so saya. I never liked that subject naman talaga to begin with. It’s so baduy. Imagine, we’re in college na nga pero we’re being taught pa how to speak the language of the yayas, the tindero and tindera in the sidewalks, the basureros and the jeepney drivers. Like I care! I don’t make para kaya the jeepney ‘coz I don’t make sakay in that super sikip and super bantot ride. Eewsy!

I always maneho my car that daddy bought me. If it’s bawal because of the coding, I make sakay the taxi naman. Never the jeepney or the tricycle.

Anyways, it’s such a big ginhawa that Filipino will not burden the next generation of kabataan who will make aral in college anymore. They’re so maswerte. Say bye-bye na to the tula na so corny and the kwento na so predictable and the balur— baleril— balarina— Whatever! Just say bye-bye to Filipino grammar.

What a relief. I mean, who needs Filipino ba in college? It’s not like everybody makes gamit the language of the poor! Like, we don’t make usap kaya in Filipino in our bahay. We speak English kasi we’re educated. English is the new Spanish! We’re not mahirap like the rest of the people out there. And isa pa, English makes me look so matalino and so mayaman.

Which is true naman. Ha-ha!

I remember one time, the teacher made tawag me to recite in class. I was chosen to make basa the tula of Jose Rizal. My gosh! It was torture. First line pa lang, I was himatay na. It’s so kakahiya, my crush pa naman was watching me. Why ba naman kasi I have to make basa pa the tula, eh it’s so nonsense naman? I was like, ang di mag-love sa own language, worse pa s’ya sa hayop and sa smelly isda.

Hello? What’s the konek? Rizal is so tanga.

Who doesn’t love ba her own salita? I love my salita kaya. It’s so perfect. Obvious naman, di ba? Like, you make intindi naman what I’m making sabi to you, right? So what’s the problema? I think the only problema is if they make pilit to teach Filipino to me and to others like me. Stop it nga! It’s so nakaka-irritate much. I really don’t kita the importance of making aral Filipino. Americans don’t speak Filipino naman, di ba? So what’s the point?

Duh.

Let’s just leave Filipino to the poor estudyante in public schools. It’s them naman who will use it always eh, especially when they become yayas or tindera or basurero or jeepney drivers in the hinaharap. And also, I don’t think they will make abot pa in college, so it’s better talaga to just teach Filipino in the lower levels. Besides, so many college students kaya are working in call centers, so they must speak English lang. Teaching Filipino will only be a pahirap to them.

That’s why the people from CHED are so tama in their decision to make alis Filipino in college. I think it’s their best na ginawa that I know of. Three snaps for you. I just wish na they will also make bago the month of wika every August. Sana they don’t focus lang on Filipino, the language of the masa and the walang education. Sana they make it the month of many wika instead. Para we can include English, my mother teeth!