Love-love-love, Krissy

by Sankage Steno

It’s election season na naman, so here comes Krissy Aquiquino (pronounced Ah-kiki-noh?) making epal again for reasons we know naman: to take away our pansin from national issues to her.

What does she think of herself ba? A comic relief? More like a comic constipation kaya. Aha-ha-ha!

Oh wait, you don’t know pa the balita? You’re so late na. Krissy Aquiquino said kasi that she would say bye-bye na sa showbiz. Again! Well, what’s so bago? This is like her second or third time to make sabi that she would go away na from TV life.

If you will like make a little alaala, she quit showbiz na in 2013 after her galit-bati episode with Papa Jeyms. That was election time as well, ha, in case you made kalimot. Before pa that, she made alis too from The Buzz in 2010, right after her kuya won as president of Pilipinas. And now she’s at it again. Kaloka!

This time daw, she’s like saying bye-bye na kasi she has to focus on her kalusugan. I think she has high blood yata. I’m not so sure. There’s so many balita kasi about her pag-bye-bye from showbiz, I don’t know which is witch inamo! Aha-ha-ha! Kaloka talaga.

She’s making sabi again that she will focus on her boylets. I mean, boys, Jossshhh and Bimbee, because they need their sugar mommy. I mean, mom, pala. I’m so confused na talaga. Aha-ha-ha! You talaga, Krissy, you’re so papansin. Is that the effect of martial law on you? Did the soldiers make gahasa your brain so you turned out like that? OMG. I feel you. That is so tragic talaga. You should really make demanda na. As in now na.

Anyway, I wish your hypertension will get so hyper talaga, so that you won’t come back to television inamo. I think show business will be a lot maganda and may sense if you will not make labas on TV inamo.

Besides, Bimbee needs you now more than kahapon. He’s growing up so fast na kaya. Baka nga he’s making salsal na every night e. Oh, you don’t know what salsal is? It’s when you make hipo yourself when you don’t have someone to make hipo your you-know. Aha-ha-ha! I know naman that you know it. You pa ba? After years of being tigang, I bet you’re making hipo yourself, too.

What? I’m bastos? No kaya! Masturbation is so normal. It’s not bad, ‘no!

Going back, I wish you luck on your bagong life. Being a normal citizen is fun din naman. You’ll soon get used to it. Or maybe not! I’m making pusta you’ll be back again after three months. Really! I’m pretty sure after the elections you’ll be back again on TV with a new palabas. If I’m right, I’ll ask the Supreme Court to make labas a gag order on your bunganga forever! But if I’m wrong…

Hallelujah!