Halalandian

by Sankage Steno

Akala ko puro haters at bashers lang ang makukuha ko sa mga trending posts ko sa Facebook at dito sa WordPress. Nagkamali ako. I underestimated Tadhana. Malaki rin pala ang tsansang makakuha ako ng love life. Hihi.

Andami kasing nag-a-add sa ‘kin ngayon sa FB matapos kumalat ng controversial photo ko with my friends (see image below). Hindi ko alam kung mga kampon sila ni Digong at nag-eespiya sa ‘kin, pero kebs. Sinasala ko naman silang mabuti, based on physical appearance.

Bakit ba! Walang basagan ng trip. So what kung supporter s’ya ni Duterte? Matatanggap ko ang lahat sa kanya basta mahal ko. Wew. Mahal agad? Wala pa nga. Takte ‘yan.

Ayun, paalala lang. Kung babae ka at di ko naman kakilala, hindi kita ia-add. Lalaki po ang hanap ko. Ideally, yung may hitsura at masarap kausap (at masarap din ‘pag di kausap <wink>). Kaya kung feeling mo ikaw ‘yon, i-add mo na ako, dali. Or i-add kita, give me your email or Facebook name. Hihi.

Now, kung hindi mo pa rin sure kung sino ako, look at the photo below at the end of this post. Ako yung nasa gitna, yung nakasalamin na may hawak ng P500 bill, Starbucks cup at naka-Laban sign. O, type mo ba ako? Kung oo, ano pang hinihintay mo? Let’s get to know each other more. Add me. Landeh!

COMMERCIAL: Kung balak mo akong ipapatay, alam mo na ang hitsura ko. Hihi.

Nga pala, kung mahina ang ulo mo at hindi mo alam na sarcastic yung photo na ‘yan, forget it. Mag-aaway lang tayo. Joke! I’m giving you a second chance basta gwapo ka. Hihi. At para mas malinaw ang lahat, narito ang paliwanag naming magbabarkada sa larawang ‘yan:

OFFICIAL STATEMENT OF THE MARLENIALS AT STARBUCKS

We were kinda inis that some nincompoops from the DuDirty camp made nakaw our group photo taken at the posh Starbucks Zuellig. That’s intellectual property kaya. They did not even bother to make sabi our names as photo credit. The nerve! Worse, they even made bago the caption to push their evil motives. So not cool, grabe.

Anyways, what’s done is done na. We feel sorry those Dutertrolls have brains the size of a Starbucks coffee bean that they failed to make kuha the sarcasm in the original post (see photo below).

We pray that a panacea for idiocy and irrationality will be made available na at TGP, The Generics Pharmacy, so Dutertrolls can make bili at affordable prices, thanks to Mar’s Cheaper Medicines Act. We also hope against hope that the majority of netizens who made duda first and not make paniwala the lie those Dutertrolls posted will find it in their hearts to forgive us for our lapse in judgment. It was really a matapat na mistake. Promise.

Finally, we wish that you will make boto wisely on May 9. And by that, we mean you #SwitchToMar and #LabanLeni. One venti caramel macchiato cheers!

P.S.
Uhm, do we have to make paliwanag that this post is sarcastic?

O ayan ha, pinaliwanag ko na. Kung naiinis ka pa rin sa akin, tandaan mo: The more you hate, the more you love. ❤