Dude Dirty

by Sankage Steno

Dude, I’m so relieved talaga. I thought I’d be six feet under once Duterte’s in office and he makes good on his promise to eradicate crime and drugs in the country. But no, pare. I’m still very much buhay.

Buti na lang the president’s elitista like me. I mean, his men in the PNP only kill small-time (a.k.a. poor/destitute/lumpenproletariat) peddlers of illegal drugs. Dude, that’s so sick, pero cool. I mean, almost every night I party in Valkyrie. We take pills, E, meth, the works, pare. But no killings!


Think of it, dude. Duterte’s helping our drug business flourish! That’s dope, bro. I swear, pare, ang laking tulong talaga what his policemen are doing right now. Kasi, dude, for every suspected drug pusher killed, that’s one competitor gone in the market. And who’s left na lang to sell drugs? Us, bro. The elitistas. Talk about business expansion!

Imagine this, dude. Not only are they killing suspects-slash-competitors, they’re also striking out those twats who could possible point their dirty fingers at us! The president is actually protecting us, bro. If they kill all of these drug peddlers, nobody will know the source of their “products.” Nobody, bro. No one will know who’s behind their illegal scheme.


Eto pa, pare. You know why those men in uniform, as well as those hitmen, are killing these drug pushers (who are really just some mahihirap peeps in the slums)? To protect themselves, dude. The policemen are our protectors, bro. They have direct contact with the pushers, so their heads are next in line after the peddlers in the business.

You see, bro. If these peddlers are kept alive in the cells, they might talk. If they make sabi anything, they could reveal the names of these policemen who are involved in our business. So, pare, unahan lang ‘yan. Kill them first, then nobody talks. The police are safe, the elitist drug lords are safe, Duterte wins!

Kasi the nincompoop Pinoys think the president is indeed eradicating crime and drugs!

Dude, I’m telling you, it’s just a veneer. A major, fucked-up illusion. Smokes and mirrors. A spectacle! Like the gladiators in the olden times. It’s a show, pare, and the stupid people are liking it. In fact, dude, they love it. They support it wholeheartedly pa nga e. All of them, from class A to E. No exception.

That’s why I love Duterte na, bro. He’s the man! He’s the real elitista. He’s the real lord of the drugs here. And we should be thankful our elitista upbringing protects us from his men in uniform. They won’t touch us. We’re demigods! But like I said, Duterte is the god.

Dude, he’s so dirty talaga. I like it dirty.