Butse kik brothers

by Sankage Steno

Ni hao! Ni hao!

Ako tuwa ke Pangulo Dutete kasi siya break na US. Siya bati na China. Wala na away. Ayaw na siya Spam, gusto niya Ma-Ling. Uki, benta ako Ma-Ling. Sarap na, mura pa. Ayaw niya iPhone, gusto niya Huawei. Uki, benta ako Huawei. Ganda na, mura pa. Uki ‘to negosyo ko. Saya-saya talaga.

Ito gawa Pangulo Dutete laki tulong akin kasi lahat tinda ko Made in China. Bakit ako kuha Made in US pwede naman kopya China produkto nila? Mura pa. Kapag ikaw tinda mura, dami bili. Kapag dami bili iyo, ikaw kita laki pera. Uki lang kahit gamit mo sira agad. Bili ka ulit bago akin. Mura lang.

Kaso ikaw bawal utang. Malas utang kaya ako hindi payag.

Hell no, dude!

Grabe, your president sucks, pare. How could he make benta the country like that? It’s like the Treaty of Paris all over again, bro. Only this time, it’s the Treaty of Tiananmen. It’s gonna be bloody, pare, I’m telling you.

I thought pa naman we were so back in the game na when we made panalo our case in the Permanent Court of Arbitration in The Hague. But no! Your president made sayang all of our efforts. He doesn’t want to be a tuta ng Kano, but a Shih Tzu ng Intsik. 

Dyahe, pare. Major turn off, dude.

Hoy, ikaw, ‘wag ka bastos Pangulo Dutete. Siya galit iyo ‘pag ikaw galit kanya. Gusto mo ikaw mura Pangulo Dutete? Siya hindi Shih Tzu. Siya tapang parang German Shepard. Kagat niya puwet Obama kasi sila sakop bansa natin.

No, dude. He’s not making kagat the puwet of Obama. He’s making himod the puwet of Xi. And for what, dude? So China can make pautang to us billions of dollars? That’s utang, bro. We’re gonna make bayad all that money plus interest. Di ba you don’t like to make utang kasi it’s malas, di ba?

A, ewan ko iyo. Basta ako saya kasi bati na China. Ayoko away kasi lugi negosyo. Kita mo ‘pag ako yaman ako tayo laki mall. ‘Pag ako tayo mall, ako bigay dami tarbaho. ‘Pag ako bigay tarbaho, dami tao saya. Sila kita pera tapos sila bili akin. Yaman ako lalo. Saya-saya talaga.

You’re so sakim, dude. Just think of what will happen to my colleagues in the call cen-er industry if the American companies make alis and make lipat to India. We’ll become mahirap na. We won’t have pera to make bili from you. Do you want that to happen, pare?

Uki lang ‘pag ikaw wala tarbaho. Ikaw apply mall ko. Bigay kita tarbaho lima buwan. Tapos kontrata, ikaw lipat iba tarbaho. Dami d’yan basta ikaw sipag at tyaga.

You’re a hopeless case, dude. Just like your president. I was tama nga all along. He’s gonna make suko everything to China. He’s gonna make bigay our territory to the bully. I hope that makes you so saya, dude.

Ikaw ‘wag alala. Ako saya talaga. Uki lang bigay lahat China basta ako kita laki pera. Galing talaga Pangulo Dutete. ‘Pag ako kita siya, sabi ko kanya, “Xie xie! Wo ai ni, Pangulo Dutete!”

Pong chuwala, dude. Pong chuwala!